The Labyrinth

Man I was suppose to have things up ages ago, but as always Real Life (that beloved malicious creature we all experience) intervened in the form of kids, Social Security, Financial Aid, fanfic (LOTS AND LOTS), and writer's block. But anyway, here I am. As promised with a new story.

Now, this isn't my usual type of story. For one there is NO MPREG. None at all. No hints, no suggestions, or anything. Secondly, this story is TRAGEDY. I rarely mark my fics as such but this is one of them.

This is part one of three or four parts. None are particularly long either. So if you want to read it. Go for it cause I'm not putting this up on FF.net anytime soon.

As always this is HP fanfic and no Rowlings, I don't forgive you for fucking Severus over until the end.

 

( Mad Paths )

GOD! It's been such a long time since I've posted but I've been busy. Since today is my birthday, I thought I'd post.

RL hates me. It has to because writing and ideas are there but time never is. I'm also becoming too interested in other people's stuff then my own. Also, it's like my brain can't think the way that it used to. I blame the depression. They should do a study.

I've also gotten very involved with Sims 2 in the last year. Of course most of my sims are guys but that's a freaking given. I'll be buying Sims 2 nightlife and apartments soon. Sims 3 will just have to wait. Cause screw that.

I've decided to annouce that I'm getting back to my snippet series and that I'll be doing a story here and only on livejournal. Don't worry, I should have it out sometime this week if Financial Aid doesn't rear their ugly head again. And please don't ask what it's about. I won't tell ya.

So. That's it. Oh and I never finished the Gothic Lolita dress. I still hope though.

Alia

*looks around* It's happening again. The...thing... You know. It's coming back. Tiredness, anxiety.... It's coming back. The -well I'm not hurting myself but I'm getting frustrated easily. Scary.

I don't need this crap right now. Especially since I've somehow hurt my back and it's taking away my damn concentration in everything. I'm scared that I'm falling back into my old habits. I'm so screwed that it's not even funny.

Good thing is, I'm starting group therapy this week. Bad thing, my depression is returning, I'm starting to fall behind in classes, I don't have medicine for my back or the fucking depression. So not exactly of the good.

The story ideas are coming though. I had a good idea but...I don't know. I think I might just do the two stories. I actually have an idea for a rare Naruto pairing (meaning I have to get rid of what I tried already) and I'm thinking of changing my HP mpreg. I don't know. We'll see.

So...pray for me. *sobs* 

Okay, so Dell still hasn't fixed my computer and it's actually not their fault this time. The tech hasn't called me even though he says he has. So my boyfriend, aka my laptop, is being propped up with my computer bag right now. But it still works even though the screen won't stand on it's own.

Financial aid is riding my ass about what happened with my grades last semester but I don't give a damn. I'm gonna get those dorks to do what they need to do and handle my business. I have to do this semester right.

I'm trying to get a foothold in my writing but it's not all that easy. Each time I get the urge to write it tries to jump ship on me but I am trying. I am writing the next chapter for weird as well as meddling with the next chapter of Silver Heart and my HP mpreg. Problem is I'm having doubts about the Harry Potter mpreg. But I guess, I'll go ahead with things the way I have them. If I change my mind later, I'll either revamp the story or do an alternate version.

For those that read my stuff, I think I might have a treat for you guys. Don't know if it'll work though. We'll find out. *smirks*

Now I'm back to work with writing. I feel so better after making my Sim turn gay. LOL

I'd write some woeful thing about how I'm miserable and how life sucks and how I did all this shit to myself and all... But right now, I'm too tired to write or even give a proper damn. I had a quick moment of wanting to curl up in a ball, and die after screaming fuck the world but... that pass rather quickly. So for now, I'm going to get the damn lights off the fucking Christmas tree and get some sleep. Maybe that will help. 

Been so busy...

No time to write. Feet hurt all the time. Walmart is evil...pure EVIL. Dollar Tree is God. Gift Wrapping is evil too.

*sighs* Seriously though, I've barely had time to keep up with my damn medicine. I've been running around with my mom, my Grandma, my dad, my siblings (I love the brats...really I do), the damn dogs (if Jackson does that crying whine of his again. For God's sakes he's a grown DOG!), and my feet are always hurting. 

Like every year before, big sister's closet is the hiding spot for everybody's Christmas stuff but hers. I bet if Santa went into my closet, he'd find stuff he hid in there! I'm done for the night though. Oliver (I take the time and name our Christmas and Thanksgiving turkeys) is out of the oven and resting on the stove (all 22 pounds of him). My siblings' toys are all wrapped and waiting thanks to big sis (and the fact that I still suffer from insomnia) and my parents things are out there too. Lord, only knows what I'm getting for Christmas. Probably nothing. Can't even be mad about it.

I'd talk about school but to hell with that. Why depress myself...more than usual anyway.

I have been thinking about a GW fic though and something for KH. Also I wonder about fics that I never intend to do. I wonder if I should write down at least the scenes that drive me freaking bonkers. Stupid crossovers.

Anyway, maybe I'll write back later at a decent time.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone. If you have to work, prank your co-workers and have a good evening.

So I posted two things on ff.net today. I posted the first chapter of Silver Heart (damn it I need a better title!) and the ninth installment of 'Expecting the Absolute Weirdest'. I'm quite happy to get that last one out. I'm gonna work on the next chapter of Silver Heart and my mpreg. I keep thinking about Second Chances though. I think I have ideas on where I want to go with that. I have plenty of ideas. Just not enough time to write it all. Crap. I have to take my medicine. I wish I was a cartoon sometimes.

So academically, my life is going down the drain. Personally...I plan to go out drinking again this weekend. Maybe a movie with Stacie too. Mentally....well it's like Academics. Work is great even when I don't check my emails. Writing is getting good and getting better.

I have the next two chapters nearly summarized for my HP mpreg that I don't remember the title to while I'm writing this. I should have it out sometime this weekend hopefully. It's begging me to write it. I can't stop myself. It's worse than TTS (Time, Truth, and Sacrifice). I might even have something for Raven's Gift (don't hold your breath). So wish me luck.

Oh and Walmart is evil. Fight the MAN!!!

This has been on private for a week or so.

Well the antidepressants must be doing something right. I'm feeling...okay I guess. I'm not as screwed up as before although I still don't like taking these damn things. I'm still having a lot of bad days with the same emotional feelings and ideas, but things are nowhere near as bad as they were before. I can pick dinner and be around people. I've been in a good mood lately even when I think about classes. 


I've also been able to write more lately. I don't know how this is going to affect my fics that are pre-depression but I'm getting new ideas and playing in other things.


This is an idea I have for Naruto. I may put it up on FF.net just to see the reaction I get to it but right now I'm not too certain of anything. Now for anyone reading this: PICK ME A TITLE!!!

And ignore any misspellings! I need a BETA!!!

Okay, so it's been such a bad week that I don't want to talk about it even here. But I will say thanks to my girl Stacie for taking me out drinking this weekend. I just got back actually and I'm not nearly as drunk as I wish I was, even after three strong Long Island Teas. I'm in a pretty good mood though and a wee bit tired. 

Anyway, sometime this week, I'm going to try and have another chapter of my HP story out. Also, I'm thinking about a mpreg for Kingdom Hearts. (Man, it's wild that I can feel the alcohol working) It popped up in my head and I was wondering about the idea. I still haven't come up with a clear decision yet.  I'll just have to keep thinking about it.

This is old and was on private for months now. But here it is again!

Title: Untitled (for now)
Author: Alia D
Rating: R (NC-17 if I can pull it off!)
Pairing: Yami Yugi x Yami Bakura ; Darkshipping
Warnings: (you figure it out)
Disclaimer: If I owned Yu-Gi-Oh, do you think those drama queens would be as bad as they are?

I need help with something. Right now I have an idea that's been plaguing me for a while.

I have an idea, it's still pretty vague, about Naruto. Yeah I know. She's got another idea and hasn't finished the rest of her stories. Well kiss my ass if you don't like it okay.

Anyway, this one is begging to be written and won't get out of my head. Now the problem is that I don't know whether it'll be yaoi or not. If it's yaoi, that means Iruka will be involved (I really like him for some reason). ...okay I'm not explaining correctly.

I don't need Iruka as part of the story, BUT what I really need to decide is whether the story will be mpreg or not. That and I have to pick someone other than Kakashi or another Konoha shinobi to be his lover. And I don't know who to pick or what to do. If there is no mpreg, Hinata is going to be involved and I think I might have yaoi anyway but it won't really be for a while. I don't know what to do. Stupid plotbunnies. Maybe I should work on Weird. That's been bothering me for a while.

Now if only my hair stopped itching! 

*falls to the ground crying* I can write. As God as my witness! *sobs* I can write again! I didn't think I'd ever be able to at the rate I was going but I did. I did the second chapter for Silver Heart and now this!

*stands* Now bow down before me infidels. You have never seen a Harry Potter story quite like this before (actually you probably have but this is my idea). Tia, since you know, no telling. *snickers*

The fic name may change and if I can get to the third chapter of this, I'll post it on Fanfiction.net.

Tell me what you think.

By the way, uh...check to see if my writing has changed slightly. It feels different to me.

Consider the part I post before as part b, okay? I know it's odd but you should be happy that I'm writing any damn way. If things keep up like this. I might do the first part of my Harry Potter idea. Maybe. I'm trying to be optimistic but not stupid.

So wish me luck kiddies!

Life loves me, so that's why she's being a bitch at times. Anyway, here's an update on things. So I'm starting antidepressants. It won't last long. I've taken one pill and I'm already thinking of quitting. I was comfortable with the idea but now I just don't like it.

I had decided to leave school for the semester but things didn't go as planned and I had a fight with Mommy Dearest. Not the best thing to call her really, but she REALLY FUCKING PISSED ME OFF. So I'm staying home. Thankfully we got things cleared up. 

I'm working at the dorm over the Thanksgiving weekend. I'm not upset about not going home. I'm just sad I can't see my siblings or the new puppies. I really wanted to see how big Little Girl has gotten too. 

But the good thing that is happening is that I actually feel like writing. And I did. *sobs* I did! THANK YOU GOD!!! *does quick run around room waving arms* *stops* *shakes head and mutters curses* *sits back at computer*

And because I'm only getting fantastic support from me, myself, and I...well and my best friend, God, my counselor, and my psychiatrist, I was able to do this. A somewhat second part to 'Silver Heart'. This is unfinished probably, but I think I'll end up just doing short installments. We'll see.

Silver Heart Part 2

 I hate poetry. Why? Because I suck at it. Poetry always seems to take a deep point of emotions that some people need to write it. 

I always did better with writing because I felt all I had to do was express my own strange imagination. Not the case today.

It's been shitty couple of days kiddies and I actually wrote a poem to describe it. I can never speak as well as write words. So maybe if I've confused anyone on why I'm so screwed up lately, you'll understand now.

I'm so damn sick of this happening. You know why depression sucks? Because you have damn good ideas and can't write the damn things!

I have two good story ideas. One is HP and I'm working on the Kingdom Hearts idea I had (which I need a beta for probably). Problem is that every time I try to write the damn things, I can't!

Bad enough I'm losing it on a good day, this happens! I need to start drinking. Maybe that's it. I haven't had a stiff drink in a while. *sighs* Maybe I need to get out more. I'm not hanging out with my friends like I used to (not that they're fucking here. Don't know why they'd want me as a friend anyway).

...I'm gonna stop this. I'm just getting more and more pissed off and I don't know why!

although...IT COULD BE BECAUSE I CAN'T FIND ANY GOOD FUCKING FANFICTION!!!! NOT YAOI OR HET (and that's saying something for me folks!).

...Yeah...Maybe I do need to drink. Should have gotten something at Walmart. 

I'm getting out of here. It can't be healthy to try and throw your computer into the wall. 

I don't like denial. Do you want to know why? Because she's always making you think everything is better and it's not. Okay so I'm not actually suffering from denial.  It's just that over this break I was feeling better then last night I was having my mental hissy fits. Not good. I'm mentally violent (I know this has to be confusing) and I have to restrain myself from becoming physically violent. You know, throwing shit around, stomping on things, screaming, losing my temper which usually isn't an easy thing to do. 

Maybe I need to get drunk. Just drunk off my ass! But that wouldn't work because if I got drunk...I'm not sure how good I would be in my current state of mind. At least I haven't had anymore scratch craving episodes. God I hate that. I think I scared my psychiatrist over at the Health Center when I told her about wanting to scratch at my throat. *shrugs* Probably the reason she's so insistent on giving me meds. lol. Oh I can't wait to tell my counselor at the center that one... Huh... I wonder if this is what my counselor meant by mocking myself. *snorts*

I actually did start on my dress. I cut out a piece... LOL. One piece. But I'm gonna at least do a couple tomorrow. I have a midterm first thing though. And I need to tell my teacher that I'm...That I have a few issues. Still need to work on that.

Damn. I need to get a blue book tonight or I'm screwed. Maybe I can give my roommate the money to go to the library. As much as I love it, my hermititis has kicked in and I REALLY REALLY don't want to leave the dorm room. *sighs* I need ice cream but it made me sick the last time I ate it.

My feet are cold. Yeah. My hands too. Stupid tree, blocking out all the damn sunlight! ... God I am so messed up. I'm gonna order out and curl up in my bed and pretend that I'm not being stressed and that none of this is happening. Oh yeah, did I mention that our dog had another litter of puppies? Maybe I'll put up a couple pictures when I get them.

 I have to be completely nuts...but I'm gonna tell my dad about my depression tomorrow. I'm also gonna tell him that I went to see one of the psychiatrists at the Student Health Center. She wants to put me on meds and I'm REALLY iffy about that sort of thing. And I'm considering this a boost to at least tell him.

I don't want my mom to know. At this moment in time, I'm of the frame of mind that it's none of her damn business. Because she can't handle things like this well. Not at all. She always moans about it being her fault (which gives me even less incentive to tell her shit than I already have!). To this day I don't' think I've forgiven her for not calming me down when my fucking trigger hit over a year ago. 

She tried to say that she wanted me to see our pastor. Do I even need to insert a proper sneer? Are you fucking kidding me? Now I'm not saying that Pastor can't help. He's a good man (from what I've seen) and I respect him because he can interpret that Bible like nobody else! But if God ain't telling him my business then he doesn't need to know my business. I can't say why it bothers me, maybe because I respect him, but I ain't see him for the problems in my head. Hell no! That's between me, God, Jesus, my counselor, and my therapist. There ain't no more spaces to take up in the group.

Now, it is officially fall break here at school. I'm going to start on my dress tomorrow (I mean it this time) and I think I may have to truck to Walmart to get some materials. So here's hoping things get better. Because I do not want to take meds. Good God NO!

I have to say that no matter what, I'm happy I came to college. No for the education. To hell with that. I'm failing anyway. What I mean to say is the experiences you get at college, you will get no where else. Let me expand my meaning.

We had a black out in the dorms late at night at about one in the morning two nights ago. Being college students, the majority of us were still awake.  And this is where things go really stupid.

We had girls in the dorms playing flash light tag down the hallways, guys starting fires on the front steps of one dorm, streakers down on the pedestrian walk and by the amphitheater, a dance party in the courtyard, and a small junk food party at the front desk of one dorm.

People were carrying around flashlight, cell phones, and laptops for light. And even as I read back, it might not seem like much, but it was still all fucking hilarious. I love college.